Here are the Blogs in the Smarty Pants category.
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Oh..... Ohhhh Canada.
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Friends, loved ones, and Vancouverans alike,
Now... THAT was a show. The show I speak of is the closing ceremony at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, both, or call my mother and ask her to tuck me into bed. Because, somehow I reverted mentally 20 years. I'm not exactly sure what they were thinking. Regardless, it certainly was Canadian, wasn't it!?
Let me note, I thought my humor was self-depracating. But, I can sincerely say that this ceremony outdid anything I'm capable of! Impressive! This mime pulled the fourth cauldron up in the center of the arena when it failed to rise on its own, in parody of the technical failure in the opening ceremony. What a tactful way to recover! And I loved the exploitation of Canadian stereotypes. Come on! Beaver and moose heads? Thank you! Giant maple leaf dancers? Love it. Lumberjacks? Have we gone too far yet?
Anyway, this show served its purpose as a way for Canadians to bring their faults to attention in a brave and shameless matter. Oh, did I say that out loud?
I did feel a little guilty when they had to have acts like Avril Lavigne, Alanis Morissette and Simple Plan play. I mean, not like they're terrible or anything.
Who are we kidding, they are terrible. But we appreciate their modesty and boringness all the same. Thanks, Canada. Where would we be without you? Who would we United Statesmen compare ourselves to?
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the lavish performance designed by our nifty neighbors of the north.
Amused, Smarty Pants
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Posted on 03/02/2010 9:19 PM by Smarty Pants
Monday, 22 February 2010
Piercing or peace of mind? Which would you rather...?
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Greetings Middle Sisters,
You know, there are a ton of great things about piercings. They can totally change your image. A hoop in your nose can make you look like a punk or a hip chick in the best way. A pair of pearls clasped to your ears makes dull pastels (the snooty oldest sister's usual choice for family functions, how boring!) seem clean-cut, classy, and astonishingly presentable. A little hole in your belly can bring you back 10 years, and a "Monroe" piercing on your upper lip can bring you all the way back to the 50's!
Anyway, I've had my fair share of fun with piercings. For a short while I had a nose ring, which my parents HATED, by the way. (I loved it, probably for that reason.) Unfortunately, I had to remove it from my face. The deal was, I was seeing this guy who was a great smoocher! So, of course, we snogged a whole bunch. That was wonderful! But, here lies the problem. The apparatus in my nostril would constantly be pushed around. And during our snogging sessions, I would have to put my finger up my nose to readjust it! It became very frustrating for both parties. And it looked like I was constantly picking my nose! I had to reassure him, "No, I swear! It's just this darn nose ring!"
Thus, one day I took it out of my nose! It was so sad that I didn't have this wicked cool looking accessory to make me look gnarly! But, it was so not sad when smooching became ever more pleasant.
So, there's my story. Any of you wacky Middle Sisters have similar stories you could share?
Slightly Scandalous, Smarty Pants |
Posted on 02/22/2010 9:03 PM by Smarty Pants
Sunday, 7 February 2010
XLIV.
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Oh. Hi. Fancy seeing you here. Ugh. UGH! Football? First, this country robbed poor Europe of the title of their football, or what we call 'soccer', which is obviously a more civilized, humane sport (with much better looking players. Noted...). Only Americans call it 'soccer' owing to our vast ignorance of what goes on outside our national boundaries.
Second, American football is really just a misnomer/watered-down version of rugby with all the danger and most of the skill removed. Way to go, USA! Yet another idea stolen from Europe, as well! Do we see a trend here?
Third, the sport adds to the growth of hyper-masculinity in this country. What I would like to see is some intelligent women thrown on that field with the same rules. I could only imagine how different, how much more culturally sophisticated the outcome would be! I say we give it a go.
Which brings me to... today. The de facto American national holiday, Super Bowl Sunday. Or, what I like to call the never-ending commercial. The sad excuse of a past-time has become a holiday for capitalism, frat boys, and expanding waistlines. (Although, the dips and desserts are usually quite tasty.) If anyone has any tips for surviving the overabundance of media, merchandising, and manliness of today's main event, could you please let us know?!
Ciao ciao, Smarty Pants
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Posted on 02/07/2010 12:04 PM by Maria Diaz
Friday, 29 January 2010
Balkan-gypsy-funked-out BK? Give me more!!
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Hola muchachas (and muchachos... who knows?!),
Just wanted to let you in on the most hip-hop-happening thing I've come across recently. A dear friend of mine who is a connoisseur of Eastern bloc artistry let me in on it, and I can't get enough!
Each Tuesday, Barbes Bar in Park Slope, Brooklyn hosts Slavic Soul Party. It's an ensemble comprised of American jazz musicians playing Eastern European Balkan-soul-gypsy-funk (probably the most common genre in America... Ha!), with a twist that no one else can bring to the style as candidly.
San Francisco Weekly raves, "The group's residency at Barbes - a small seminal nightclub in Brooklyn - has become a gathering for international musicians and the nexus of East Coast gypsy punk, not because SSP! is comprised of scenesters, but because the band is undeniably world class."
That review alone gives me CHILLS. And I swear to you, seeing them perform will take those chills away and make you HOT from all the dancing you will surely surrender to.
But, for real, ladies. Classy Brooklyn, classy people, classy atmosphere. I don't know what more I could ask for when it comes to a Tuesday evening escape. Maybe a light glass of some Smarty Pants Chardonnay to cool down afterward, who knows?
Explore more here (the bar) and here (the band).
Ciao ciao,
Smarty Pants
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Posted on 01/29/2010 6:05 PM by Maria Diaz
Friday, 30 October 2009
Pride & Prejudice & Zombies
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Pride & Prejudice & Zombies
Written By: Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”
… and from the back cover:
“Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you’d actually want to read.”
DO IT! I did, and it just might have changed my life. Or at least made my daily subway commute far more entertaining.
Happy reading! -Smarty Pants ;)
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Posted on 10/30/2009 12:47 PM by New York Smarty Pants
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
My Favorite Words – worldwide!
All my life I’ve been a word-geek (much like Rebel Red, who can’t seem to get over correct pronunciation). My first word as a tiny little girl was “Cookie,” and the word that followed shortly was “Pocketbook” – if that gives you any idea of the person I’ve grown up to be! But my point is not that I was a ridiculously adorable child (I was), but that I was one of those kids who spoke like an adult, with crisp, clean speech. I still get made fun of for pronouncing my consonants with unusual fervor, but what can I say? I like words!
I recently came upon a book by George Lipton (Yes, the ever-mocked host of Inside The Actor’s Studio). He’s a pretty smart dude, and apparently he is a word-geek too! His coffee table book is entitled “An Exaltation of Larks” and simply lists the different words used to describe groups of things. Think “gaggle of geese” and “pod of dolphins.” I haven’t made my purchase yet so I don’t know if Lipton reaches beyond groupings of animals, but either way I thought it was pretty cool.
Which brings me to my next point! Exaltation has got to be one of my favorite words. It is beautiful to say out loud – try it! Right now. Say it. See? It’s friggin’ awesome! And the meaning is beautiful, too.
Exaltation: n. 1. a feeling or state of extreme happiness, She beams with exaltation; 2. A grouping of larks (classification of songbirds), He saw an exaltation of larks inhabiting the trees above.
This led me to explore what my favorite words are in other languages. I’d love to say that all of my favorites are as deep and lofty as “exaltation” but mostly I’ve chosen them because they are just plain fun to say. I get a kick out of the fact that one word in English could sound so ridiculous in another language. Ok. Enough blabber. Here goes:
Spanish – it’s a tie between:
“Gua Gua” – (GWA-gwa) - Mexican vernacular for “Truck.” The real word is “Camión” (kam-YOWN)
“Sacapuntas” – (saka-POON-tas) - it means pencil sharpener. But it sounds like a Native American tribe.
French
“Pamplemousse” – (pomp-lay-MOOSE) - Grapefruit!
German
“Krankenschwester” – (KRANK-en-shves-ter) - a Nurse, or more literally “sick sister.” Haha! AND it implies being cranky (kranky?), at least as far as I’m concerned.
Irish (Gaelic)
“Uisce beatha” - (ISH-ka BA-ha) WHISKEY!
Anymore fun ones to throw at me??
Liebe,
Smarty Pants ;) Posted on 10/20/2009 12:56 AM by Smarty Pants
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
No hypodermic needles here! Only good, clean fun!
My new favorite overpriced summer hotspot: Coney Island
Okay, so it’s starting to get a bit chilly in the big apple - I wore a sweater today! And I'm actually looking forward to the autumn weather; it is the best season for New York. It isn't too hot or too cold, the trees begin to change and the colors are GORGEOUS, especially in Central Park. There, you can actually get lost in the color and the crisp, smoky smell, and forget that you live in a "concrete paradise." Not to mention there are autumn festivals all over the city. The pumpkin festival is one of my favorites - okay its second to Halloween, which, between the crazy parade downtown and the sheer fun of dressing up and acting a fool, must take first place.
But I am getting ahead of myself.
I haven't given up on the warm weather yet. There are plenty of gorgeous sunny days left before the crispy fall sets in (I think that's my word of the day: crispy). In fact, last Sunday I spent a fantastic day at Coney Island with a few of my girlfriends. I've been there before, but when I went it was off-season so I didn't really get the full effect.
This time, however, was awesome. I got the full effect of the place. We sat on the beach - now free of hypodermic needles (for those of you who know the beach by reputation, it has been all cleaned up for at least a decade) - and looked out on the water. We watched sailboats from the pier and ate very overpriced fried food... Lots of overpriced fried food: fried clams, fried mozzarella, french fries, fried dough (aka funnel cake), etc. In fact, I think the only kind of food you can even get on the Coney Island boardwalk is fried food. Ooh, and we also drank lots of overpriced beer. And couldn't help ourselves to overpay for tickets for the Wonder Wheel and the Cyclone.
So I came home at the end of the day very tired, very full, slightly buzzed, and much closer to bankruptcy than I was when I left the house just hours before. I was also overwhelmingly satisfied. I hope I get a chance to go back before the chilly weather really kicks in.
Where is your favorite overpriced summer spot? Come on people, I wanna hear from you, wherever you are! Posted on 09/29/2009 8:54 PM by New York Smarty Pants
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
How You Doin'?!
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Hey guys ! "Smarty Pants" here, blogging directly to you from NYC!
Actually my real name is Alie, but I hope you'll agree my nickname fits me just as well *wink wink!* I'm gonna be spilling my guts all over this page about my many (mis)adventures in the big city, so get ready!
Thought I'd start this blog out by telling you why I had the BEST breakfast this morning! Trust me, it's more interesting than it sounds.
Today I got breakfast at this great coffee shop on Houston Street (that's "house-ton", not "hyoo-ston") called Aroma Espresso Bar. I get breakfast here a lot. The coffee is awesome and they give you a little chocolate with every order - and I never turn down chocolate.
Anyway, on this particular day Willem Dafoe was standing in front of me in line! For those of you sillies who don't know the name offhand, Willem DeFoe is a crazy-amazing actor from the movies Boondock Saints (where he played Detective Paul Smecker) and Spider Man (he's the Green Goblin - ahhh!!!). He also does some theater work with this experimental theater company called The Wooster Group, which is located right around Houston Street.
Willem Defoe is so distinct looking. I'm talking chiseled features, pointy nose, and really big eyes - so I knew it had to be him. Not to mention that everyone behind the counter was on their best behavior. I don't know, maybe they thought because he is famous he would be snooty. They should have known better though - this is New York! No one, and Everyone, is famous here!
That is one of my favorite things about New York. It's not like LA, where famous people are accosted by teenagers trying to get autographs or paparazzi running down the street looking for the perfect embarrassing photo. In New York, we treat our stars like regular people. Because really, no matter how famous he is, Mr. Dafoe should be able to get a cup of coffee without everyone coming at him with awkward compliments:
"I just looooved you in (insert random movie here),"
"Oh, well actually I wasn't in that."
I feel like if I were famous I would definitely want to live in New York (I mean... I live here already, so maybe that's not a surprise). It is one of the few places where famous people can just go about their business living life. In fact, I saw Parker Posey walking her cute little dog just around the corner from my apartment! And Agyness Deyn and her now ex-boyfriend Albert Hammond Jr. from The Strokes used to live 4 buildings away from me. So clearly this is the place to be!
Don't get me wrong, its not like the rich and famous are completely ignored here. After all, seeing famous people is fun! The difference is that we try to pretend like we don't know who we are looking at (then get all excited privately instead). I'm one of those geeky star-struck types, but I like to think that if I actually met one of these people I would play it mega-cool. You know, strike up a conversation with sexy Gerard Butler and maybe even get a date... Haha, No. I'm pretty sure that if I was in that situation, I would just stand there in awkward silence while my brain fell out of my head.
So, needless to say, I did not say anything to Willem. I didn't tell him about my excellent acting or directing talents or how he would do well to help make me famous... since it is only a matter of time before someone discovers me, I fly around the world making movies and winning awards, and then settle back down in my favorite New York to dabble in a little Broadway theater (that's how one goes about becoming famous, right?). I didn't tell him this despite the fact that I think he would really appreciate being able to call himself "The One Who Discovered Her." Instead, I let him order his coffee without interruption. Which I think he probably also appreciated. |
Posted on 08/11/2009 2:00 PM by New York Smarty Pants
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