Oh. Hi. Fancy seeing you here. Ugh. UGH! Football? First, this country robbed poor Europe of the title of their football, or what we call 'soccer', which is obviously a more civilized, humane sport (with much better looking players. Noted...). Only Americans call it 'soccer' owing to our vast ignorance of what goes on outside our national boundaries.

Second, American football is really just a misnomer/watered-down version of rugby with all the danger and most of the skill removed. Way to go, USA! Yet another idea stolen from Europe, as well! Do we see a trend here?

Third, the sport adds to the growth of hyper-masculinity in this country. What I would like to see is some intelligent women thrown on that field with the same rules. I could only imagine how different, how much more culturally sophisticated the outcome would be! I say we give it a go.

Which brings me to... today. The de facto American national holiday, Super Bowl Sunday. Or, what I like to call the never-ending commercial. The sad excuse of a past-time has become a holiday for capitalism, frat boys, and expanding waistlines. (Although, the dips and desserts are usually quite tasty.) If anyone has any tips for surviving the overabundance of media, merchandising, and manliness of today's main event, could you please let us know?!

Ciao ciao, Smarty Pants